Like cosmetics, deodorant, shampoo and cologne (don’t call it perfume!) the Ghostbusters franchise now has a “for-men” version of its signature product. This comes as welcome news to the scores of fans who wanted to see an over 25 years too late sequel of an amusing action-comedy but not let their box-office receipts betray the fact that they’re clearly more oestrogen than man now. Whilst Paul Feig, Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon are clearly a capable comedic team with a reasonably impressive track record, there is a far stronger counter-argument, to the effect of “do you even have a dick, bro?”
Fortunately, men no longer have to compromise their manhood to watch made-up ghosts be exterminated, because Sony are currently developing another version of the film with the Russo brothers directing, Drew Pierce writing and man’s man (for men!) Channing Tatum in talks to play the lead. Are the chicks gonna be spoiling this brotastic ghostbusting party? Fuck no!
Of course the Russos and Tatum have pretty strong track records themselves, and Tatum in particular has already proven he works well with surprisingly good comedy reboots that never should have existed in the first place. The move comes after many fans complained that their childhood was being cruelly violated by the presence of girls in their beloved franchise treehouse. Of course, like most 21st century action/comedy reboots, this new Ghostbusters will feature none of the original cast or creative team, probably differ greatly in tone and content, and will change the fictional universe in some substantial way. Yet childhoods the world over will be preserved because no one with a vagina will dare bust any ghosts whatsoever.
What this means for the all-female film is unclear. While still in development, the third Ghostbusters film will now inevitably be sidelined simply as “Ghostbusters for Women” until the men come along and bust those real tough ghosts that women with their fragile emotions and menstruation just can’t handle. There is no word on a title for either film although some possible titles are She-Ghostbusters, These Ghosts Messed With The Wrong Chicks, and Ghostbusterettes. The all-male version of the film could go under many titles, maybe just Ghostbusters 3… because, obviously, this is the actual sequel, it’s got men and everything.
So, if there’s something strange in your neighbourhood, you now have two options when flipping through the G section of the Yellow Pages. And I’d like to end this article by firmly stating that the adult men spending their time violently spilling digital ink over a new female-led instalment in a 25-year-old franchise sound like a bunch of, well, emotionally-stunted sexist arseholes.